Love: Resources

All of the ideas written here are adapted from the work of giants in the field. Without their dedication to the study of love, millions of couples would never have found their happiness. Some of the key material that influenced this section are:

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

The longest running study in the world has been tracking a group of men & their families from birth… for almost 80 years now. Their psychological and physiological data are why we know what we do about the effects of love on our well-being.
If you’re not convinced about the importance of love – watch this video.

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships

I started studying relationships through Marriage & Family Therapy, and after months felt that I was no closer to answers. The simplest relationships, it seemed, were more complex than trauma ever was.

This book changed everything I understood about love.

 Dr. Sue Johnson integrates attachment theory with actual relationships & scientific research from multiple fields, taking it from a model that predicts relationship to success to a model of becoming successful at relationships. 

I consider this one of the most important books I’ve ever read.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

As you can see, I like Dr. Johnson’s work. Hold Me Tight is her guide for couples to go through the process of Emotion-Focused Therapy, with or without a therapist. Unlike other marriage therapy techniques, EFT boasts a 85% success rate in healing marriages on the brink of divorce. 

If you and your partner are both willing to take ownership and make changes, this book might be all you need to learn vulnerability with each other.

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

If you don’t like Sue’s style, Imago Relationship Therapy might work better for you. Created by a married pair of psychologists as they processed their divorce, they reinvented attachment theory with “clingers” and “avoiders”.

After repairing their relationship, they dedicated their practice to helping others with similar anxious-avoidant relationship dynamics. This had a lot more mainstream attention than classical attachment theory, with celebrities like Oprah and Alanis Morisette crediting it with saving their marriages.